Learning

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your site, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

I talk a lot, always have, I'm friendly, very socially oriented and out going. I can remember when I was younger my mom always having to tell me to think before I speak. Apparently God is trying to teach me the same lesson, however, it's much more humbling when God is teaching you something than when your mom is.

The hardest part is the people I've hurt with my words are people I love and I don't even realize I've done it until God convicts me that I own someone an apology. It's terribly humbling to have to do that.

God keeps showing me that He is my Teacher and that He wants great things for me if onlky I will listen and learn. There are areas of my life that He's been trying to teach me things for years, and yet I just cannot seem to let go and let God. I keep trying to do things my own way. Not surprising I keep failing on my own as well.

Psalm 19:14 will have to become part of my every day prayers and in the forefront of my mind so that my words are pleasing to God and not hurtful to others.

Battling Darkness

Today is my birthday, I have spent the most amazing day immersed in the presence of God in my art studio. Creating and praising God with praise and worship music and lifting my hands to Him. Praying and glorifying Him all day long. I have truly counted my blessings today and are in awe of how many there are.

Keep that in mind as I tell you this next part; I have an amazing family with 4 beautiful, amazing children. They have grown up so fast; too fast in fact, which has brought us to yet another new territory in the parenting trek. The "give them wings and let them fly" stage. I'm not sure how to do that. It was brought to my attention that we're not quite doing it right. It was a conversation done in love, a good conversation, one without raised voices and lots of listening to and hearing one another.

However, when I got off the phone and the conversation was over, doubts, bitterness and anger began to creep in. I started to feel my stomach churn and knot, thoughts of things I could have come back with to this comment or that comment. Then a still small voice said "these things are not true". I sat there and tried to pick apart what was not true and still the negativity was there. I could see the enemy trying to get a foot hold, baiting me to just wait up a little bit longer till I could spew these untruths and hurtful things at the very child I'd spoken so loving to not too long ago.

So often he sneaks in when we least expect it and can put those subtle little thoughts in our head and just lets you fester and build them all on your own while he just sits back and watches us self destruct. He can be so sly, and we have to really be on the ready and not let him get a foothold in our lives.

Not too long ago I read This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti and he gives such a descriptive picture of his version of demons that it is forever pierced in my mind. Each time I feel the presence of darkness, I have this picture of demons lurking in corners waiting to swoop in and reek havoc. This time, they weren't just lurking in the corners but perched on my shoulders waiting to dig their claws in. However, my God is bigger than they are, and as I tried to sort out the truth from the lies, a lyric to one of the songs I'd listened to today sung through the muddle of those ugly thoughts and reminded me of the love that was spoke through our conversation. I put on my ear buds, plugged it into iTunes and put that song on repeat. Soon, the ugliness of those thoughts were chased away and replaced with what should be there, striving for a common ground, working together, not blaming one another and speaking to one another in love.

Parenting is by far much harder than anything I have ever done in my whole life, and I don't think I'll ever be able to not have an opinion about the choices they will make in their lives. However, by the Grace of God I will learn to speak, or....not speak, in love.